It must have been a year and a half ago that I came across a quote of Epictetus, about whom I knew nothing at that time. The quote read,
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…”
Obviously, I couldn’t recall the exact words of the…
Just as much I wish her many more
I’ve been perturbed lately by these aide-memoire
It’s her birthday today
All emotions have been erupting
That I had tried to keep at bay
I see her grey hair
Or we call it that as consolation?
It pains me
To not be able to deliver the reciprocation
Of the nurture, the care
I feel an ache inside
How saddening it is in itself
to not be there by her side
I feel the guilt
There’s this realisation always
Somewhere at the back of my mind
It only accentuated today
The things that seem to have endured the most by their activities are my room and my energy reserve. I won’t deny I’m fairly astonished by their energy levels, but even so envious of the same. They just won’t get tired! Partly to be blamed is my experience with kids their age. I don’t end up mingling much with them for the reasons stated previously. Their and my energies don’t vibe together and I end up full of lethargy. The first couple of days, they were so-called guests and for a while they did act accordingly…
The times have been humdrum and so lacklustre. It’s you caught in the storms of hopelessness and hurt once again. There is much loss of faith for it is not so easy to hold on at moments as these. Everything is appearing only displeasing with underlying nuances of nihilism. Blames being put here and there. All that is begotten is a restless and upset shape. One thinks the things cannot go any bad anymore; it catches you off guard each time, the time itself. It all appears so frangible, suspended in endless nothing.
Closer to heart, back home — Kashmir…
A journey not-so-usual.
I obscurely remember hitting the snooze button. The next I regain my consciousness is when it is past 08:30. My college is supposed to begin by 09:30. Considering the fact that I have already missed the college bus and that it takes me around an hour and a half to reach my college, I clearly have missed the lecture on Contemporary Issues of Society. With this, I miss the class of Sociology for some nth time now. To my consternation, the dread of shortage of attendance is filling the air around.
I swear as I jump out…
All you need is… interruption.
Time: 3:21 am
I can’t recall the first time I started feeling this way. This feeling feels to have been a part of my existence since forever. Just like one doesn’t know when one adapts a certain mannerism in the company of new friends. Maybe an initiation as this is shared by all emotions. But I know I am totally mistaken there for I have seen happier day, where I have given happiness, received happiness, and shared the emotion out of pure gratitude. The truth is I have forgotten how that…
I like to change my thoughts to black and white. It turns my head light.